It livesssss!

Recently fixed my PC by replacing the utterly shit-canned motherboard (we're fans of silly overclocks like Bono is a fan of being a wanker, so quite fervently) and got back to playing old games, stuff that comes out on the cheap on Steam, and my enormous back-catalogue of neglected AAA tripe. I quickly realised that I was very happy with not playing on an xbox, not realising before how convenient it was to not have to drop out of my game even for a second to send a few quick messages and stick on another tune on youtube, and it occurred to me; I felt like an ass for being mean to my xbox. My first one was a present, I didn't even get a memory card with it. I played "Prey" from start to finish on day two, after realising the day before it had no hard drive and therefore no way of saving, and I loved it. I came home from school at dinner time just to spend 10 minutes on a bit of it I'd saved from the morning. Suffice it to say, I have happy memories.
            But then, it broke. Red ring of death. Whilst the towels kept it circling the drain a little while, (giving me enough time to do three missions on the first Assassin's Creed and one pitifully bad run through of Slowride on Guitar Hero 3) it eventually succumbed to its wounds, and drifted off into console heaven to join my tea-covered original PS2 and my gameboy colour which had fought a grand battle with the stairs and lost. I was pissed off, so I saved up from my job, and got my first PC, and the rest is history. Or so I thought, until I realised that the most complete racing game in current circulation was a console exclusive, and whilst I couldn't enjoy it with my steering wheel (like most things, not limited to cake and shagging), I had to have it. So I bought one for about £50 and played the shit out of Forza 3 and 4. It was good, so good in fact that rFactor and other racing sims in my life took a back seat. I was having a great time on a console that I thought had turned into an entertainment device for prepubescent whiners with a chronic masturbation problem and an addiction to shitty annual releases of sports/burly-white-dude-shooter-games. It hadn't, and even had a few 60fps adventures in store for me before I put the old girl out to pasture. I recently played (and had a good time playing) Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Injustice, Batman Arkham City, Forza Horizon and a bunch more stuff I wouldn't have bothered with otherwise  (seriously though guys, revengeance?! HA!)
                And so, after enjoying Assassins Creed 4 (notably at 19-24fps, grrrrrrr) on my xbox, and after unplugging it to make way for my newly-refurbished monster rig, I'll place it with warm fondness into a safe place in the cupboard, and I doubt that this will be the last that we'll see of her.

Unless it turns out I can trade it for its weight in marzipan or something... God that'd be good wouldn't it? Marzipan or an xbox... I'm going to leave this decision til I can figure out whether it's a fictional one I've made up in my head (again) or one of those supposedly 'important' real ones. Court order my arse...

Game of the Year 2013

My game of the year 2013 is Half Life 2. Yeah, I know, I'm several years out if date. How, I hear you (not) ask? Well.... My friend Philip and I are collectively in possession of both an Oculus Rift headset (kindly purchased as a gift by my wonderful missus) and a Razer Hydra motion controller. It has made First Person shooters into something else. Another friend of mine, who doesn't play too much in terms of FPS was making reflex-shots to the heads of Civil Protection at 50ft for fun, consecutively. I thought it was a fluke until Phil and myself tried, and achieved the same results. Now, I'm not a huge Half Life 2 fan, I played it when it came out, and I played it again when everyone insisted upon it, and it did nothing for me. I stopped playing after about an hour both times; bored of sub par graphics and what I considered to be a melodramatic and corny story. Yes, some of you will hate me for saying it, but I thought I'd have more fun attempting to determine the Ph of my stomach acid with a piece of 2x4 and a flannel made of litmus paper. But, alas, we hooked up the Oculus and the Hydra, and it was jaw dropping. Every kill, every movement of the hand, and every lean round a corner makes you feel like a cross between James Bond and Jason Bourne, but sexier and better in bed and able to drink more mead and have a better beard and such. It's all personal and relative I suppose. Anyway, of topped everything I've played this year, even with the hit and miss hand tracking and crap resolution. I mean, you check the back of your hand to see your health! And you check the side of your gun to see your ammunition! And it's in augmented reality! And it's awesome!

Ok, I admit, I may have gotten a little over enthusiastic and nearly broken my mate's monitor/chairs/floor with that over enthusiasm, but it was fucking amazing. It straight up pisses on any FPS this year, including PS4/Xbone stuff. And this is coning from ME about a game I DON'T EVEN LIKE. Bare that in mind when you consider the future of what you're planning to have in your living room/games room/rape dungeon. (You might have to have enough space to beat a friendly vortigaunt to death with a crowbar, and don't forget, you need to NOT melt a hole in the bottom of your Oculus with a lit joint you've been passed to smoke. It'll devalue it and you won't be able to sell it at Christmas. You as in 'one'; the collective term. Not me personally. I wouldn't know anything about that. Especially the joint part)